vila_restal | Forgive and forget; self-preservation or self-esteem?

"What's more important--self-preservation or forgiveness?

Eh? That's an odd choice. I mean, why can't you have both? And d'you mean forgiving others, or them forgiving you?

They're both important.

Me, I plan to live forever or die trying. That's always been one of my major goals, but if I had to do it at the expense of a friend's life... well I just couldn't. I've thought about that one often enough, you know, remembering how I hid in a tiny space on a certain overloaded shuttle hoping I wasn't found. Never occurred to me to chuck Avon off, but I have to be honest--it isn't because I'm so altruistic (after all, I didn't exactly offer to jump out). For one thing, I hate violence, for another, I'd have had to spend the rest of my life knowing what I'd done. Better to die than live with that.

I'd never have forgiven myself.

Ah. So I suppose I've answered that question. It's forgiveness.

I forgave Avon for it, you know. It made sense, didn't it--why should both of us die? And anyway, hating someone isn't good for the digestion or a decent night's sleep, and I do like to look after myself.

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Since my own death dream shows me being wide awake, I couldn't say from personal experience. Moreover, one doesn't exactly ask another "and how did you dream you are going to die?" on my homeworld. Not because of any taboo exactly but if the question is posed by another Centauri one automatically wonders whether the person asking has a vested interest in one's demise.

(My former wife Mariel being a case in point.)

Which means I do not have many bases of comparison. I will admit, though, that I did ask a couple of times, after my own dream had come to me for the first time, simply because it was so new and disturbing that I had to find out whether it was, as you humans say, the genuine article. Judging by what replies I received, Centauri dreaming of peaceful endings like the ones you long for mostly remember the sensations they feel immediately before it happens - drowsiness, warmth, aching bones, that kind of thing, and then something raw and startling.

Dying startled doesn't sound very peaceful to me. :-(

Forgive and forget; self-preservation or self-esteem?

Dreaming of dreams...

Re: Dreaming of dreams...