vila_restal | New Year's Resolutions

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New Year's Resolutions

What is your New Year's Resolution?

To still be alive to make one next year?

I've managed that 33 times so far, but I don't know how I did it this last time. Losing the Liberator and Cally, constant defeat, Avon resenting me for surviving when Cally didn't, contempt and ~~vilafication~~ vilification (or did I get that right the first time?), being excess weight on a shuttle (73kgs, though the worry's taken 3 more off), getting shot in the back (and me not even running away)... And they wonder why I drank so much.

Let's see. I resolve to:

Drink less. Wine, I mean; water's not bad without the suppressants. But booze only makes me forget for a short time, drugs never worked that well on me. And anyway, I've run out so that one'll be easy.

Get more sleep. You may laugh if you knew me on the Liberator, but I've lost the ability to nap at the teleport controls or on the flight-deck. Can't say the nightmares help either: Cally calling to me and shuttles and headless robots and green vampire sand are just a few of many fun and entertaining themes.

Like myself better. People think I've got a big ego because I know I'm the best thief around, but that's just fact. And it's all I've ever been wanted or valued for (except by my mum, and she had to love me), and you know something, it really isn't enough. When you're at the bottom of the pecking order in a tough and bloodthirsty rebel crew, you start to think they're right and you are useless and worthless as well as the harmless I've always claimed.

Take charge of my life. I could've run away, but I stayed out of loneliness (better the insults you know than the hairy aliens and faceless Feds you don't) and inertia I suppose. I let everyone else make decisions. Yeah, I know they never listened to me when I objected (and I was always right about danger, you know) but if I stay with them now, it'll be because I decide to. And I probably will.

Live forever or die trying. An old favourite, my motto actually. It might look like a contradiction considering the previous one, but it's worked for me so far.

Actually, you know that thought's made me feel better already.

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Poor Vila. Come here and have a hug! *squeeeeeze* And let your ghost writer know she's a bleeding genius, all right?

[snuggles up, eyes closed in bliss] Oh, you're lovely!

Eye fink so too Vilaman! *tight hug, as tight as he can with his tiny paws* yer luvly!

So are you! [hugs back]

Hee! Im glad. Im useful crewmember make Vilaman hapy. Yay!

Oh Vila the 'Like myself better' part of your resolutions made me feel so sad. Your Mum didn't have to love you she loved you because you are lovable. And as for the others opinion of you I think a lot of that could have been cultural. After all they had all been brought up Alphas and I'm sure were taught from birth that Deltas were useless and worthless, early conditioning is very hard to break. Blake liked you very much and Avon, I'm sure, considers you is friend. Though even the best (now do I mean that word)Federation torturer would drag that out of him.

If you truly believe what you have written you need to speak to Harry about self esteem exercises. He is a doctor so must have had the classes in it but from what I remember of him he never needed to use them himself.

Watch him he makes Dayna look cautious.

Your Mum didn't have to love you she loved you because you are lovable.

Yeah, I know, she told me that. She was going to abandon me as a baby (like her mum did to her) but she said that when she saw me she just couldn't. [swallows] Shouldn't have said that, but that last year really knocked me, you know.

Blake liked you very much

Yeah, used to think so, but he didn't even look at me on Gauda Prime. Only had eyes for Avon. Mind you, a leather-clad nutter with a huge gun does tend to attract the attention.

Watch him he makes Dayna look cautious.

Ah. Now I'm worried.

Vila, I'm not sure I'm supposed to be reading this.

But I want you to know: I like you.

I think if we can avoid getting into Blake's madder schemes (I think we should lock him and Avon up in a large cabin together for a few days once we get him back aboard) you'll make a good business partner. It worries me that Blake can talk you into virtually anything just by convincing you that he's your only friend.

It worries me that Blake can talk me into almost anything just by giving me a look from those big brown eyes... but I'm bearing in mind that I do not want to get in between him and Avon. Either literally or metaphorically.

Sometimes you annoy me. Sometimes you annoy me a lot. But you've always been rather more than an useful pair of hands to me. I'm perfectly aware that the test system for grading citizens of Earth is rigged; you do know that Avon was graded Beta? Not because he wasn't smart enough to be Alpha, but because he was too smart and they didn't want him to have the privileges that go along with Alpha grade unless he was willing to go into the military.

Vila, I'm not sure I'm supposed to be reading this.

'Course you are! These things are for your friends to read, aren't they? And it looks like I have quite a few after all!

But I want you to know: I like you.

You do? [blink] I always liked you, you know, but you never seemed to take much notice of me. Story of my life, that. But we're partners now, aren't we! Partners and friends too. [huge and delighted grin]

It worries me that Blake can talk you into virtually anything just by convincing you that he's your only friend.

Well, he's not is he, now? My only one I mean. And I always thought of all of you as friends; just wasn't sure anyone felt the same way about me, except for good old Gan. And I meant it about taking charge of my life. If I do something for Blake it'll be because I want to.

Sometimes you annoy me.

[sigh] I even annoyed Cally at times.

you do know that Avon was graded Beta?

Suspected as much, I mean he does seem to overcompensate a lot, doesn't he?

Remember that trap Blake led us into with Governor Le Grand on that asteroid? We had Blake tied up so that he couldn't move - and you let him loose because he'd convinced you that the rest of us were plotting to get rid of him and take over the ship, and he was your only friend.

I'm not exaggerating: for a while after we figured out what had happened, I could have killed you. I'd gone through all that to get Blake out from under his conditioning, and thanks to you it almost went for nothing.

Then it occurred to me that if we'd taken the trouble to stop and explain to you what was going on, if we'd convinced you that Blake must not be let loose rather than just giving you orders, he probably wouldn't have been able to talk you into it.

But we really never had time to talk about that - heading off to Freedom City, then Goth, then Star One - and it took me a while to realise what had been going on inside your head at the time - it wasn't that you were stupid, it was that the rest of us were treating you badly.

But, for what it's worth, I'm sorry about what happened then. We're partners. Let's move on.

Suspected as much, I mean he does seem to overcompensate a lot, doesn't he?

He does, doesn't he? Now, about locking him and Blake in the same cabin when we get Blake aboard... just for a couple of days. Long enough to get us safely under way to Trantor. How about jiggering the lock on the big cabin on Deck C, the one with its own food dispenser and sanit, so they can't get out?

Deal! Though it might be best to hide anything pointy. Plastic cutlery only?

Simply because I did not fight you two for control of the Mumak does not give you licence to manipulate me.

Still, the plan is not without its merits... but only after we're sure Blake does not require further medical attention.

Use the good silver. I won't need a knife to cut Blake down to size.

It wasn't Blake I was worried about.

I could be insulted.

We know that.

I may yet surprise you.

I like you.

And, and the person who talked about "early conditioning" is right. If others have been taught not to see you as an equal, or even a person, it's hard. I shared a ship with a Peacekeeper for monens, and sometimes I'm not sure he even remembered my name. He kept calling me "slave." But you... You're lucky, I think. I don't know how it was before, but these people all look at you like you're here and you matter.

Also, you made a very good word at that Scrabble game. Everyone said so.

If you're ever too troubled to sleep, come and find me. I might be able to help.

Hello Stark.

Just thought I would introduce myself, I'm a friend of Vila's ghost writer and I like him almost as much as she does. Please call me Linda if you want. I was going to put this on your site but it's to big to fit in my screen and I don't know how to make it smaller, I'm afraid I'm computer illiterate.

Hello! It's good to meet you!

Vila is likeable. He's a good person. I don't know why he thinks he isn't.

But... [puzzled look] My site doesn't fit on your screen? [clicks over to look at it, tilts head to consider it from a couple of different angles, looks confused] I don't see anything wrong with it...

[OOC: Is there a problem with the page (e.g. text scrolling off the side), or is the window just too big? You can resize windows by hovering your mouse over the border of them until arrows show up, and then left-clicking and dragging the mouse, if that's the problem. At least, that's how it works on Windows and the other systems I've used, anyway.]

No it's not that, I suppose I should call myself computer semi-literate, I tried that and it was still too big.

Basically the font size is at least 72 in Times New Roman, I have the same problem with Orac's lj all I can see, even stretching the screen to maximum is the middle third. I use 98 on my computer perhaps it has something to do with that

[OOC: Ah, OK. I'm never sure just how illiterate people mean when they say they're computer-illiterate. Now that you mention it, the font on Stark's LJ is a bit large, although it seems strange to me that it should look quite that large to you. Maybe I can reduce it a point or two... *goes off to fiddle*]

[OOC: OK, I just went and looked, and while it gives me the option to change font style, I can't find one for changing font size. My suspicion is that maybe the thing to do would be to try changing the font size in your browser, especially if you're having this problem on other sites... Then again, I'm far from an expert in this stuff, either.]

Linda, you haven't set your display font size to a really big one in your browser, have you? I went to Stark's LJ and set mine to the largest one and sure enough it wouldn't fit on the screen. I have my browser set to the middle of the 5 options (medium).

I change mine by holding control down and using the wheel on my mouse. If you don't have that, you can change it by going View->Text size and selecting one--at least in my version of Explorer. Have a look at yours.

I don't think so it only happens with Stark and Orac but I will investigate in the morning , it's 11.15pm here now and I,m off to bed

I like you.

I like you too, Stark!

He kept calling me "slave."

If you used to be one, best not let Avon or Tarrant know. Grade seems to matter to them.

but these people all look at you like you're here and you matter.

So do you! Matter I mean. You were my first friend in that prison.

Also, you made a very good word at that Scrabble game. Everyone said so.

Well, one person did, but thanks!

I might be able to help.

Thanks, mate. You're a very kind person.

So do you! Matter I mean. You were my first friend in that prison.

[Stark's eye gets all big and moist and he looks like he wants to give Vila a hug but isn't sure whether he should or not.]

For the record Vila, I never resented you for surviving when Cally did not. She always made her own choices, and in case you hadn't noticed, they frequently verged on the suicidal.

I notice you say you rate personal survival as highly as I do, but you have cluttered it up with sentimental concepts such as guilt and self-worth.

And as to...[Wry grin] nightmares... well, Vila, they come with the territory. Survive when others die, and you will have the nightmares. But considering the alternative...

Yes. I always did make my own choices, and I still do.

I don't suppose that in considering the alternatives, Avon, you considered that perhaps some of those nightmares were me calling to you?

Well, I doubt it was the one where I'm naked at the third form science exposition and suddenly realize I've misplaced my working model of a tarriel cell.

And considering that you had occasionally failed to 'send' to me (or I failed to 'receive') when we were on the same ship, I would not have thought myself your best choice for midnight messages.

It wasn't my name you shouted on Terminal.

It wasn't you I went to Terminal for. That's the second time you've thrown that back in my face, Avon; would you like to hear me to shout your name more often?

You're not the best choice, but I didn't have many other options.

Actually, no, I'd rather you just got here safely. took out your frustration physically and got it over with.

That's the best offer I've had all day.

I can throw in a knitted jumper, if that will help. You were always partial to red, I believe. You're not allergic to mohair?

I could go for that. A nice dark burgundy red, with a turtleneck. Throw in a shoulder massage, and I'll promise not to be taken over by any aliens this week.

Yeah, tell 'em you've got a mind of your own!

Vila told me your size. The jumper will be done before you arrive.

We only have pine-scented massage oil, but it is the best quality.

You were calling to us? Oh, no, that makes me feel even worse. I'm sorry, Cally.

But we're on our way, soon as you send us those coordinates. I can't wait to see you again!

Don't apologise. I was very far away, Vila, and I probably never reached you.

I've sent my coordinates encoded in the shuttle's identification signal. Avon or Jenna should be able to decode them.

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