New Year's Resolutions

[vila_restal]

What is your New Year's Resolution?

To still be alive to make one next year?

I've managed that 33 times so far, but I don't know how I did it this last time. Losing the Liberator and Cally, constant defeat, Avon resenting me for surviving when Cally didn't, contempt and vilafication vilification (or did I get that right the first time?), being excess weight on a shuttle (73kgs, though the worry's taken 3 more off), getting shot in the back (and me not even running away)... And they wonder why I drank so much.

Let's see. I resolve to:

Drink less. Wine, I mean; water's not bad without the suppressants. But booze only makes me forget for a short time, drugs never worked that well on me. And anyway, I've run out so that one'll be easy.

Get more sleep. You may laugh if you knew me on the Liberator, but I've lost the ability to nap at the teleport controls or on the flight-deck. Can't say the nightmares help either: Cally calling to me and shuttles and headless robots and green vampire sand are just a few of many fun and entertaining themes.

Like myself better. People think I've got a big ego because I know I'm the best thief around, but that's just fact. And it's all I've ever been wanted or valued for (except by my mum, and she had to love me), and you know something, it really isn't enough. When you're at the bottom of the pecking order in a tough and bloodthirsty rebel crew, you start to think they're right and you are useless and worthless as well as the harmless I've always claimed.

Take charge of my life. I could've run away, but I stayed out of loneliness (better the insults you know than the hairy aliens and faceless Feds you don't) and inertia I suppose. I let everyone else make decisions. Yeah, I know they never listened to me when I objected (and I was always right about danger, you know) but if I stay with them now, it'll be because I decide to. And I probably will.

Live forever or die trying. An old favourite, my motto actually. It might look like a contradiction considering the previous one, but it's worked for me so far.

Actually, you know that thought's made me feel better already.

Comments

[kerr-avon.livejournal.com]

For the record Vila, I never resented you for surviving when Cally did not. She always made her own choices, and in case you hadn't noticed, they frequently verged on the suicidal.

I notice you say you rate personal survival as highly as I do, but you have cluttered it up with sentimental concepts such as guilt and self-worth.

And as to...[Wry grin] nightmares... well, Vila, they come with the territory. Survive when others die, and you will have the nightmares. But considering the alternative...

[comradecally.livejournal.com]

Yes. I always did make my own choices, and I still do.

I don't suppose that in considering the alternatives, Avon, you considered that perhaps some of those nightmares were me calling to you?

[kerr-avon.livejournal.com]

Well, I doubt it was the one where I'm naked at the third form science exposition and suddenly realize I've misplaced my working model of a tarriel cell.

And considering that you had occasionally failed to 'send' to me (or I failed to 'receive') when we were on the same ship, I would not have thought myself your best choice for midnight messages.

It wasn't my name you shouted on Terminal.

[comradecally.livejournal.com]

It wasn't you I went to Terminal for. That's the second time you've thrown that back in my face, Avon; would you like to hear me to shout your name more often?

You're not the best choice, but I didn't have many other options.

[kerr-avon.livejournal.com]

Actually, no, I'd rather you just got here safely. took out your frustration physically and got it over with.

[comradecally.livejournal.com]

That's the best offer I've had all day.

[kerr-avon.livejournal.com]

I can throw in a knitted jumper, if that will help. You were always partial to red, I believe. You're not allergic to mohair?

[comradecally.livejournal.com]

I could go for that. A nice dark burgundy red, with a turtleneck. Throw in a shoulder massage, and I'll promise not to be taken over by any aliens this week.

[vila-restal.livejournal.com]

Yeah, tell 'em you've got a mind of your own!

[kerr-avon.livejournal.com]

Vila told me your size. The jumper will be done before you arrive.

We only have pine-scented massage oil, but it is the best quality.

[vila-restal.livejournal.com]

You were calling to us? Oh, no, that makes me feel even worse. I'm sorry, Cally.

But we're on our way, soon as you send us those coordinates. I can't wait to see you again!

[comradecally.livejournal.com]

Don't apologise. I was very far away, Vila, and I probably never reached you.

I've sent my coordinates encoded in the shuttle's identification signal. Avon or Jenna should be able to decode them.